It’s December 31, 2010. Tonight is the twentieth third night for you at the Hospital for sick Children;The SickKids.
At 12:00 am the world is entering the new year 2011. They say it’s a warm day for Toronto’s winter. Honestly I have no clue of what is going on outside this small sad and warm world of SickKids since we were admitted to the hospital On December 6th.
“Epilepsy Disorder” ,is now written on your health records.
We live our lives thinking that we are above all those sort of scary things, avoiding the less fortunate ones that were chosen for some random reason so that we can feel good about ourselves, “which never made sense to me”.
But you my baby Nemer are not less fortunate. All those around you who are ignoring and avoiding you they just don’t realize what a wonderful blessing you are. I get my strength from you to stand up in the face of every day’s struggle. You have purified my heart from the dark dots that were blinding me. After you I have a deep warm meaning for life. Now the tiniest detail is making my day a happy day.
So far it just seems that the modern medicine is not working for you. You keep challenging doctors day after day. All friends and relatives are concerned and calling. It’s like the whole world is looking towards you. And to me it feels that they all are amazed of how strong and determined you are.
This little body of you was able somehow to justify you from a sin others have accused you for ignorantly.
The struggle with your seizures is still on. Whenever us ;your father and me; and them think the survival robe that will get you out of the jungle you are trapped in is caught, you get pulled back in again.
What I know for sure is what your eyes tells me whenever I look into them : “Don’t you worry mama, being lost in the jungle is part of my and your destiny. It may take a very, very long time. But I just don’t feel the pain that you see. What I feel the most is your love and determination, and that is what’s gonna get me out of this trap.”
Love you Habibi.